JUST FOR FUN

HA!

-->Teacher:Your typing is improving ,Mary,There are only 17 mistakes here.

Mary:That's great!

Teacher:And now,on to the second sentence.....

-->Teacher:If it takes 15 men to build a wall ,How long will it take 5 men?

Raju:No time at all.The 15 would have already built it.

-->UNFAIR

Teacher:"Ravi ,if two and two is four ,how much is four and four?"

Ravi:"That's not fair!You always do the easy ones and leave the hard ones for me."

-->A man who worked as an usher at a cinema house developed a toothache and went to see a dentist.

"Which is the tooth that's troubling you?"asked the dentist,peering into his mouth.

"Fifth from the right," replied the usher,"in the balcony."

-->MOM asked her son,"so how was ur first day at school?"

"First day?You mean I have to go back to there tomorrow?"

-->Simple Soman was window shopping,when he heard a man at the parking lot shout aloud,"Thief,catch the thief!My car!That man is going away with my car!",soman saw a car whizz past him,turn around the corner and vanish.He quickly walked up to the distraught man and said consolingly,"Don't worry ,my dear chap,I have noted the car number."

-->UPON receiving the bill for the extraction of truth,Pradeep phoned his dentist and complained :"Why that's three times what u usually charge!"

"Yes I know ,"replied the dentist,"but u yelled so loudly that u scared away two other patients!"

-->Tom:My toaster went out of order so I repaired it using parts from an old aeroplane

Harry:Does it work now?

Tom :Oh,yes!But now when the toast pops out ,it circles the table twice before landing.....

-->Ear For Music

Piano Tuner: I,ve come to tune your piano.

Lady: But I didn't send u.

Piano Tuner:No,But ur neighbours did.

-->The professor explained latitude,longitude,degrees n minutes n said 2 his class ofol students ,”Suppose I asked u 2 meet me 4 lunch at 45 degrees,4 minutes north latitude n 23 degrees,15 minutes east longtitude,where would v meet?”

There was silence 4 a while,then a voice said,”My guess s u wud b eating alone!”

-->Jasmeet watched her husband Santa searching high n low all over d livin room.She asked him ,”What r u searching for so frantically?”

“Hidden cameras,” answered Santa.

“And what makes u think there r hidden cameras here?”she asked in surprise.

“How else that guy on television sayin every few minutes ,’You r watchin star world’?How can he know what I am watchin?”

-->A police man stopped 2 priests who were goin very fast on a motorcycle.

“Why were u speeding?”he demanded.”you could hav had an accident !”

“Don’t worry, my son .God is with us!”

“Then I will hav 2 fine u ,“ said the police man,grimly.”The law doesn’t allow 3 passengers on a motorbike!”

-->In The Barber Shop

Customer:Why do u insist on our readin this horrifyin news?

Barber:Becoz it makes d hair on ur head stand up…Makin my job easier.

-->A woman went to a stud farm 2 buy a horse .

“Is ur horse well bhaved?”

“Oh,Yes,” said the owner.

“When we come 2 fence,he stops n let me go over first.”

-->BHOLA was given the job of paintin white lines along d middle of d expressway.

He painted about 3 Km on d 1st day,2 on d second n hardly 1 on d 3rd .The contractor asked him,”Bhola ,how s it that r doin less Km each day?”

Bhola explained ,”That s bcoz each day I keep getting farther away from d paint cans.”

-->For a thirsty cat,what s d favourite place in d universe?

The Milky way!

-->No Swimmin Please!

THE guard was doin his rounds when he noticd a man in d lake.He shouted ,”Don’t u Know swimmin in dis lake s prohibited?”

The man in d water gasped,”I am not swimmin,I’m drowning!”

“Then it’s allright,”said d guard n continued on his rounds.

-->A friend was listenin his stereo on full volume one evenin,when ther was knock at d door .It was his neighbour.

“Can u hear my TV?”asked d neighbour .

“No,” replied my friend.

“Well,”said d neighbour,”neither can I.”

-->Man buyin a parachute 2 salesman in sports shop:Are u really sure that dis parachute s reliable?

Salesman:Of course ,sir,but if it fails 2 open , u can always exchange it 4 another one.

-->A couple arrivd home earlier than usual n found a robber in their house .

“Now that u’ve seen me ,I’ll hav 2 shoot u,”said d ,man ,pullin out a gun.

The couple was 2oo frightened 2 speak.

“I like 2 know d names of my victims,”

said d robber,pointin his gun at d woman.”Tell me ur name.”

“Laxmi,”said d woman.

“Laxmi!”exclaimed d man,”That’s my mother’s name 2oo.I can’t shoot u.”

”Tell me ur name !”,he snarled at d man,pointin d gunat him.

“S-Sharma,”stammered d man.”But all my friends call me Laxmi.”

-->TWO little boys were walkin about in an art gallery.They came 2 an abstract painting.

“Hey ,let’s run,”whispered one 2 d other ,”before they say we did it.”

-->Children were lined up in d cafeteria of a school 4 lunch

At d head of d table was a large pile of apples.Someone had written on a note n placed it next 2 d apples.It read ,”Take only one,God s watchin.”

At d other end of table,was a large pile of chocolate chip biscuits.

One little boy wrote his note n stuck it next 2 d biscuits:”Take all u wan,God s watchin d apples.”

-->Mother:Sohail,why s ur little brother cryin?

Sohail:Because I won’t giv him my piece of cake.

Mother:Is his piece over?

Sohail:Yes-he also cried when I ate that.

-->Scared silly

1st ghost : They’re showing that Hitchcock movie Psycho again on television tonight

2nd ghost:Oh,no.The last time I saw it, it nearly frightened the life into me.

-->Hard Luck

Thief : Quick!The police are coming-jump out of the window!

Accomplice : But we’re on the 13th floor.

Thief : Oh,come on,this is no time to be superstitious.

-->”THIS house has both advantages and disadvantages,”said the honest estate agent ,showing a flat to a couple.

“what are the disadvantages?” asked the woman.

“well , there’s a fish-drying yard some distance north ,and a tannery some distance south. Both produce strong smells though at different times.”

“What are the advantages?”

“You always know which way the wind is blowing!”

-->Junior Mosquito : Mum ,can I go to the theatre tonight?

Mother Mosquito : All right ,but be careful when the people are clapping!

-->A haughty lady was walking around an art exhibition ,loudly criticising the paintings .

She stopped before one and asked the attendant , “I suppose this hideous monstrosity is

What they call modern art.”

“No , ma ‘am ,” said the attendant .”that’s what they call a mirror.”

-->A spider was making her way towards a pile of logs when a grasshopper appeared and asked her where she was going.

“Oh ,I’m just off to the web on to the log site ,”replied the spider.

-->A man was walking down a deserted street at night.He was nervous and edgy , jumping in fright every time he heard a sound .Finally he met a police man.

“This is dangerous road isn’t it?” he demanded ,his eyes rolling in terror.

“Take it easy , man !” said the police man.”Calm yourself .If this were a dangerous road would I be walking here?”

-->A moron who was traveling by train wanted to use the toilet urgently.He rushed to the toilet and pulled open the door .There was a mirror directly opposite.When the moron saw his reflection in the mirror he thought there was some other passenger in the toilet ,and quickly closed the door muttering, “Sorry ,sorry…”

He waited outside for sometime and then complained to a TC passing by.

“Won’t he come out ,eh” said the TC who was a bigger moron.”Some people are like that.I’ll soon get him out !”

He pulled open the door but when he saw his reflection in the mirror quickly shut it again.

“Wait for sometime ,”he advised the first moron. “Some member of the staff is using it!”

-->Father : I’m really worried about you always being at the bottom of your class by seeing his son samir’s mark sheet.

Samir : Don’t worry ,dad .They teach the same thing at both ends.

-->Loyal Story

AN aspiring story writer was telling his friend ,”My stories are like dogs .”

“Why do you say so?”

“Well wherever I send them ,they always come back to me.”